Back in the back
Of a Cadillac
Number one with a bullet, I’m a power pack
I’m in a bang
With a gang
They’ve got to catch me if they want me to hang

–AC/DC, Back in Black, Back in Black

9. Golfers enjoy juice with their cornflakes. While in Scotland for the Open Championship (British Open), golf legend Gary Player claimed that he knows of at least one golfer that has used steroids and is pushing golf organizations to move quickly toward a random drug-testing plan.

Don’t be so shocked at the thought.

The common misconception is steroids make you more muscular; they don’t. They help aid your body in recovering from extensive, strenuous activities like weight lifting. In some golfer’s cases, it’s evident that the finger wouldn’t point in their direction because of their physique. However, a guy that’s rotund would have the ability to recover from a long day of walking and swinging on a golf course.

It’s not too, too far-fetched.

More after the jump »

I won’t repeat myself again
I will not repeat myself again
It’s another promise d.o.a.
And despite my every hope there is no truth
Behind my best intentioned oath

– Toad the Wet Sprocket, Come Down, Coil

9. Argentines take their soccer very, very seriously. Argentine soccer fans are known to have a reputation to be a bit surly at times. During the 2006 World Cup, enterprising Argentine hooligans offered their services to teach soccer fans on how to properly “participate” vociferously during matches.

More after the jump »

I’m back in the saddle again
I’m back
I’m back in the saddle again
I’m riding, i’m loading up my pistol
I’m riding, i really got a fistful
I’m riding, i’m shining up my saddle
I’m riding, this snake is gonna rattle
– Aerosmith, Back in the Saddle Again, Little South

9. Joey Legs likes the sound of his own voice, but doesn’t like Kornheiser. A report on the website Metro indicated that former ‘Monday Night Football’ analyst Joe Theismann (that’s like Heismann, kids) was none too happy with the direction of the iconic program. In fact, he took it a step further and took a shot at his former colleague, Tony Kornheiser, and accused his bosses of trying to alter the broadcast into a “Monday Football-meets-PTI” show.

“I’m not happy with what happened. … Tony is extremely neurotic. … I believe, 100 percent that you cannot insult the football fan. “Monday Night Football” is about football, and I hope that they continue to deliver that product to the fan. “Monday Night Football” cannot be an extension of “Pardon The Interruption,” because the game is too important.”

We’re not happy, either… that the network waited as long as it did to get rid of Joey Legs, who rarely offered any insight other than the obvious (we got that from Paul Maguire). We look forward to the inflection-challenged Ron Jaworski, who we are sure, could break down a wedding video with the same ferocity as he does NFL game film.

More after the jump »

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night

– Journey, Don’t Stop Believing, Stage

9. Going home is the safe bet. The is-he-or-isn’t-he saga finally ended when the Orlando Magic released Billy Donovan from his contractual obligation. The team’s decision to let Donovan go marked the end of a week of Donovan leaving his beloved Florida Gators after leading them to back-to-back NCAA hoops championships and to the NBA. Not long after, he began having second thoughts about leaving the comforts of home for the new frontier of professional basketball.

Did he pull a Nick Saban, who hemmed and hawed for the better part of a month while flirting with a return to college football? Not really - Donovan felt the pull of emotions to his college home and decided to go with his heart and not the money.
More after the jump »

And the lucky girl leads a life of leisure
With 45 years for seconds of pleasure
The hands on the clock move so precisely
And i only kiss but once or twice
I can’t help you now,
I can’t help myself
’cause the time’s running out
And it’s twenty-five to twelve

– Elvis Costello, Twenty-five to Twelve, Trust

9. Gary Bettman has two-sides to every story. Just ask him.  During a press conference on the eve of the Stanley Cup Finals, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman held a Q&A session with the Canadian national media (only four of the 24 U.S. NHL markets outside the Los Angeles area are being represented by newspapers at the Finals thus far) on subjects ranging from the salary cap, the league’s attendance and the impending sale of the league’s Nashville Predators to Canadian billionaire Jim Balsillie.

When asked about the sale of the struggling franchise, Bettman delivered his usual cryptic remarks, telling reporters that the team will not be relocating to another town…or did he?

“What’s clear to me from meeting with Mr. Balsillie is he’s passionate about the game, he’d like to own a franchise and certainly has the resources to do it. Beyond that, there have been no promises, there have been no predictions.”

Way to show a firm commitment on keeping the team in Music City, U.S.A, Mr. Bettman.

More after the jump »

36-24-36
See a girl walkin’ down the street
Just the kind of girl that i’d like to meet
It ain’t her hair, her clothes, her feet
Somethin’ much more discreet
Now i ain’t loud baby i ain’t proud
I just want what i’m not allowed
– Violent Femmes, Add It Up, 36-24-36

9. In this corner, standing in at 187 pounds… On a promotional conference call for his June 9 match against WBA champion Miguel Cotto, Zab Judah enlisted his father, Yoel, to do the dirty work of talking to promoters and media members seeking sound bites. Alert boxing writers (and, you know, there’s a lot of those) noticed something peculiar about what “Zab” was saying — his voice and phrases were a bit different. After noticing the different nuances, they contacted the promoters of the fight and the hoax was subsequently uncovered.

Question that we don’t expect to have answered — why did Judah’s promoters think this was going to be funny?

More after the jump »

It used to seem to me
That my life ran on too fast
And I had to take it slowly
Just to make the good parts last
But when you’re born to run
It’s so hard to just slow down
So don’t be surprised to see me
Back in that bright part of town

– Steve Winwood, Back in the High Life, Back in the Highlife Again

9. Like Lt. Roger Murtaugh from ‘Lethal Weapon’, Barry Bonds is getting too old for this sh*t. Despite the verbal bouquets that were launched from Boston’s Curt Schilling (and his subsequent apology on his blog), San Francisco’s Barry Bonds responded like the only way he knew how — it was beneath him.

“I’m too old for childish activities,” Bonds said before the Giants opened a three-game series in Houston. “I don’t really have any time for that at all. I didn’t really hear them at first, I was told about them. I don’t really have any comment to that. I’ve got children and I’m too old for that stuff.”

For once, we actually side with the artificially inflated slugger.

More after the jump »

Guess who’s back
Back again
Shady’s back
Tell a friend
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back
guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back
–Eminem, Without Me, The Eminem Show

9. Curt Schilling just can’t wait to tell you what he’s thinking of next. Let’s face it — Curt Schilling has never met an opportunity for attention he didn’t like. In the past week, “Ralph Mouth” decided to unleash a barrage of criticism upon Barry Bonds, his baseball contemporary that’s on a march to take down Henry Aaron’s 755 home run record in scant weeks. Schilling pulled zero punches, telling WEEI that “he admitted cheating on his wife, cheating on taxes and cheating on the game…Hank Aaron not being there, the commissioner [Bud Selig] not knowing where he’s going to be, it’s sad.”

Schilling, presented with another opportunity for attention, didn’t turn to the media for his apology; he turned to his blog — 38pitches.com — after manager Terry Francona told him to “shut up”. Just another self-serving opportunity for “Ralph”.

More after the jump »

Twenty four seven stay here with me
Twenty four seven throw away the key
Twenty four seven i don’t wanna be free
–Tina Turner, Twenty Four Seven, Twenty Four Seven

9. LaDanian Tomlinson doesn’t like the Madden Cruiser. After being asked by officials from Electronic Arts regarding an appearance on the cover of their video game, Madden 08, LaDainian Tomlinson of the San Diego Chargers turned them down.

Did he fear the curse?

Not according to CNBC sports business reporter Darren Rovell. Rovell noted that the all-pro running back turned down the offer due to said offer being less than market value. Tomlinson allegedly felt that the financial offer was less than market value and it wasn’t fair, while EA felt that, as Rovell put it, akin to appearing on the Wheaties box and should be felt as an honor and not a financial reward. So Electronic Arts gave the honor to Tennessee’s Vince Young.

He’ll likely miss a few games — just ask past recipients Michael Vick, Donovan McNabb and Shaun Alexander.

More after the jump »

Hey Nineteen
No we got nothing in common
No we can’t talk at all
Please take me along
When you slide on down
– Steely Dan, Gaucho, Hey Nineteen

9. You best be busting your ass out of the batter’s box, Edwin. Cincinnati Reds manager Jerry Narron benched third baseman Edwin Encarnacion for not hustling on a pop fly early in Wednesday’s game against the Arizona Diamondbacks. Our spies tell us that Encarnacion looked as if he didn’t know the ball was going to be in play and stood there. They also told us Encarnacion wasn’t very happy by his manager’s actions, sitting on the end of the bench with his hat sideways and a quizzical look on his face.

When in doubt, run Edwin. You’re not Ken Griffey, Jr. yet.

More after the jump »

All I’m sayin’ is that I wanna smack it all night long
On and on until the early morn’
Givin’ up all u need so u can get your groove on
And as long as I got your attention (yeah)
– Prince: 18 & Over, Crystal Ball

9. Don’t mess with ‘Shrutebag’. Colin Cowherd, ESPN Radio’s host of “The Herd”, decided it might be a fun idea to have his listeners launch a”DNS attack” on the popular sports blog The Big Lead. His listeners took the message as an order and launched a flood of visits that has still rendered the site down.

Stay classy, Colin er ‘Shrutebag’.

More after the jump »

Well, she was just 17,
You know what I mean,
And the way she looked was way beyond compare.
So how could I dance with another (ooh)
When I saw her standin’ there.
– The Beatles, I Saw Her Standing There

9. The courtship of Billy Donovan. While we don’t claim to be college hoops experts (and judging by our hoops brackets, you’d say the same), the media circus surrounding Florida coach Billy Donovan’s future in ‘The Swamp’ as a bit ridiculous. Sure, the media has thrown out some facts like his in-laws and other family members have moved to Florida, his mentor Rick Pitino is down the road from him should he take the Kentucky job and that the coach is dedicated to the Florida program to almost a fault, but it reeks of another case of the leverages.

All it takes is an agent who wants a raise for his client (and an increase in his commission) and a higher profile job and you got yourself some nice little attention and payday for Donovan.

8. MLB’s Mexican standoff. Major League Baseball and the owners of iN Demand (Comcast, et. al.) continue to race towards a deadline to see who blinks first. If you’re not up to speed, MLB has decided to exclusively air its content exclusively on DirecTV satellite systems for the next seven years at a pricetag of just over $700 million. Part of the deal includes DirecTV’s willingness to provide a new baseball-only channel on an appropriate channel tier. Congress decided to get involved (as noted above) and we’ve reached the point that millions of baseball fans will be shut out of games that happen to subscribe to cable rather than satellite.

(Updated: Comcast appears to have posted that they will NOT agree to any demands of MLB and are suggesting their subscribers head to MLB’s broadband package for their baseball fix.)

More after the jump »

When I first met you, baby
Baby, you were just sweet sixteen
When I first met you, baby
Baby, you were just sweet sixteen
You just left your home then, woman
Ah, the sweetest thing I’d ever seen
– B.B. King, Sweet Sixteen

9. Michael Vick has a secret hiding spot for his jewelry. On Thursday, Michael Vick told Atlanta and national media that the bottle that caused an incident in January was used to hide his jewelry and not drugs. Well, according to Miami International’s airport authority, they never heard such a claim from the quarterback.

The question that needs to be asked — why in the hell didn’t Vick come forward at the time of his detainment and say that? And more importantly, who is he trying to fool when he tells this tale after authorities ran tests on a ‘cannabis-like’ residue that was found in the false bottom of his water bottle.

And to think head coach Bobby Petrino may’ve orchestrated a deal of back-up Matt Schaub to the Texans on Wednesday. Something tells us they moved the wrong quarterback.

8. Eli Manning scores more off the field than on. Speaking of quarterbacks, NY Giants quarterback Eli Manning announced this week that he’s getting engaged to a long-time girlfriend of his from his Ole Miss days. The karaoke star is known to have quite the exciting social life, ranging from being the quiet homebody to paying for escort services in New York.

We congratulate Eli on settling down on one woman for a while…or for admitting he’s been cheating on his girlfriend.

More after the jump »

You upset me baby
Yes you upset me baby
Like being hit by a falling tree
Woman, woman what you do to me
– B.B. King - You Upset My Baby

9. Nothing can stop me now i’m the Duke of Earl. Actually, one Duke got stopped and most hoops fans are giddy like little schoolgirls at this development. In case you missed it, the Duke Blue Devils lost a late game thriller to Virginia Commonwealth, 79-77. When you get right down to it, Duke arguably shouldn’t have been seeded as high as they were because their season has been mediocre at best. This makes hoops fans even giddier that an oversight by the NCAA’s “Blue Ribbon Panel of Experts” (better known as the Selection Committee) was righted with this Duke defeat. The sad thing is, we’ll be seeing Coach Krzyzewski in commercials till the end of the tournament for varying products.

It gives Dick Vitale a reason to keep watching, though.

8. Going to the pokey isn’t a fun time. Tank Johnson, the troubled defensive lineman of the Chicago Bears, was thrown into the tank of a different kind on Thursday, getting a 120-day sentence for violating a probation order from a 2005 gun case. This and PacMan Jones’ dalliances with the continuing fracturing of laws might just push the NFL executives to come up with some harsher on-field sanctions against players whom are repeated offenders.

If you want to know how comical this whole thing has become, check out ProFootballTalk.com’s ‘Turd Watch’, which tabulates points for teams whose players get arrested and charged with crimes. Check here for the latest addition to the ‘Watch’, Jerramy Stevens.

More after the jump »

Robbin’ people with a six-gun
I fought the law and the law won (twice)
I lost my girl and i lost my fun
I fought the law and the law won (twice)
– The Clash, I Fought the Law, Clash

9. Don’t get too close to the mascot or he may hurt you. A northern Indiana man is suing the Indiana Pacers and the performer who plays “Boomer” for tackling him from behind during a free-throw contest on the floor of the Conseco Fieldhouse in March of 2005. We often mock people who file frivolous lawsuits, but this might have some merit. See, the man filing the lawsuit (we won’t name names here) had recently underwent back surgery and informed Pacer personnel of that fact. Furthermore, he told representatives for the club he didn’t want to do it in the first place, but relented after assurances that nothing would take place.

Somewhere, the San Diego Chicken is hanging his head in shame over such shenanigans like this.

More after the jump »

It’s a 7-11
Do you want to take a walk outside?
If you want a burrito
You can have another bite of mine
It could last you forever
If you’re still waiting on that call
– Pete Yorn, “Burrito”

9. He’s the Rain Maker. The Adam “Pacman” Jones saga rolls on as the troubled safety of the Tennessee Titans continues to rack up fractures of the law. Thursday’s report from The Nashville Tennessean revealed the Jones had unpublicized arrest from last February. The incident evolved into the player (and an acquaintance) running into a house when confronted by Georgia police officer and the player decided it’d be a good idea to tussle with the cop while inside. If you’re counting at home, that’s ten skirmishes with the law since the Titans drafted him in 2005, matching only “The Cincinnati Nine” in arrests.

8. Tommy Lasorda likes it that way. Hollywood Madam Jody “Babydoll” Gibson’s book Secrets of a Hollywood Super Madam recently revealed the odd sexual peccadilloes of former Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda. In the excerpt that was provided by SPORTSbyBROOKS, the author noted that the skipper liked to watch some hot lesbian porn while getting his penis sucked. Being the family guy that he is, Lasorda had to have the BJ done in the mid-afternoon so he could make it home in time for dinner with his wife. In a complete lack of surprise, Lasorda decided that he wouldn’t sue Gibson on Thursday. The thought must’ve crossed his mind to do so, but then realized there’s a shred of truth to it and didn’t want it dragged out in court.

More after the jump »